Year barely started and I'm already regretting every single day waking up in the dead of the night, thinking how life could have been

We spend our whole lifes trying to be happy, temporary solutions to a permanent problem

We spend our whole lifes trying to build relations, only for most of them to be gone in the next day or disregard anything they might have had with you, because you fucked up once, because you're sick and tired of trying to pretend to be someone or something that you aren't, because you've shown yourself to be just like everyone else, extremely flawed, and bound to break like everyone would

We spend our entire lifes and at times sacrifice everything you stood for, and the person you were in order to maintain relationships, only for them to walk away and never look back, never even giving the time to considerate how much you've done for them, and how much you'll miss them, every single day of your fucking life

I'm not happy, probably never will be

I can't be happy by myself, I can't be happy with others, I can't be happy for the others, and I'm just not made to be around anyone

I've wanted everyone hating me for quite a while now, since I'd have nothing to worry for, but no matter how much of a waste of a person you might be, there's always someone out there rooting for you, and this sucks, I don't like being loved, allowing others to set expectations on you is the most dissapointing anyone could allow to happen

I think I might just end up changing my year's objective to somehow get myself killed once again

Either that, or just dissapear and leave no traces

I'm legitimately tired, I hate all of this.